cheers to the govenor

So Cal Livin'

2 notes

As an anemic, I do not believe in open wounds. Mostly because my blood will not clot and I will die. Secondly, because I am extremely obnoxious and I enjoy ruining any type of relationship I have by forcing people to talk things out. To clarify the preceding sentence, I am currently involved in a “we never really dated and we never really talked about what we were, but you dropped the L bomb, and now we don’t communicate” kind of situation. I decided to escalate the “bad” of this situation by trying to talk it out. I feel that my downfall -as a human with a vagina- is my talent to make a man feel as uncomfortable as humanly possible. I just love talking shit out, which is the exact opposite of what every man wants to do. Not communicating is an open wound in my eyes. I do understand that communication is a great fear for men. However, speaking as a human who bleeds for a week without dying, buck up. We would rather you tell us “It’s not working out” or “those 6 whiskey shots i took made me say some shit’ rather than us finding an Instagram post of you and your girlfriend at Disneyland. Moral of the story: don’t be afraid to put a band aid on it, men. Open wounds only cause unwanted trouble and yellow puss.

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Britney, Robert Downey Jr. and Marky Mark all made their come backs. This is mine. For my super devoted 66 followers (who probably clicked follow on accident) I am making my writing comeback. You get to be the annoyed, offended, and confused audience who reluctantly read my very meaningless posts. Congrats! For my two friends who actually care— you’re welcome. (They made me) 

170,932 notes

We’re so bad at sex and then we wonder why women aren’t like, really aggressive about sex. We think it’s cause they don’t have as much desire as we do. That’s how stupid men are, that we think ‘they’re just weird, women are like fucked up in the head cause they don’t wanna just fuck all the time. If I was a women, I’d just fuck everybody. Why don’t they wanna fuck all the time? I do.’ Of course you do, cause when you fuck, you get to fuck a woman! When she fucks, she has to fuck a guy! Wildly different experiences. For a man, 100% of the time, it’s the greatest thing that ever happened in his entire life. For a woman, about 40% of the time, when she’s being fucked by a guy, she’s thinking ‘I’ll get over this in a week. It’s not the worst thing. I’m not gonna cry this time.’

“Another thing that proves how bad men are at sex is that after sex, you’re looking at two very different people. The man just wants to lay there, be cool and the woman wants to cuddle… ‘Why is she so NEEDY?’ She’s not needy you idiot, she’s horny, because you did nothing for her. YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. HER PUSSY IS ON FIRE BECAUSE IT’S GONE UNFUCKED COMPLETELY. Of course you’re fine, you climbed on and went ‘KFHGSKG’ and rolled off. And she’s on you because she’s like ‘WH-at SOMETHING ELSE HAS TO HAPPEN, THIS IS BULLSHIT!!’ If you fuck a woman well, she will LEAVE YOU ALONE. ‘Thanks a lot buddy, zzzzz.’

Oh, Louis CK, advocate for the female orgasm. (via georgia-dream)

(Source: moscowisburning, via brunettewithburnetts)